An Ode to My Body

Well, we have all acquired the COVID-19 infection. It has been a very rough few days and there are a million thoughts floating through my head. I have largely occupied my thoughts with worries about my children who have few symptoms (thank God) but are struggling with the lack of energy and normalcy from their affected parents.

We are trying. We are mustering up our energy to stick with our latest normal – one of quarantine times. It is hard and often unsuccessful. There are times of the day where I just need to lay down. I am fortunate enough to have an incredible partner who is handling his ailments much better than I am.

When we first acquired COVID-19, my mind cluttered with thoughts of ‘what ifs.’ I had recently taken care of countless COVID positive patients on the units in the hospital and know what severe disease looks like. I know when someone is crashing. I know the inpatient treatments available to them and when to utilize each one. Most of this is through very limited experience and guidance from my hospital group leadership and infectious disease as this is a very new disease that we are still learning about. Nonetheless, it is a protected environment, and I am not the patient.

Now I am. My husband is also next to me. Are my children affected? How could they not be?

My first thoughts are of the basics. I need to make sure we are oxygenating. Of course, one of the top complications of COVID-19 is Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS) – basically, lung failure. We have a pulse oximeter. We check it religiously. At one point, I think I checked it every hour. 98%, 99%, wait 93% for my husband? My alarms went up. We must watch this carefully. I was on edge.

It went up. It may have been a fluke.

The days passed. Our oxygen levels remained stable and normal. My husband had some fevers and coughs but otherwise admits he feels “OK.” I have lost my sense of taste and smell and have extreme fatigue and muscle aches at times. Other than that, I am OK.

We are still in the midst of it. We are managing. It is slow, and I may be premature in writing this, but I feel we have gotten over the hump. Our oxygenation levels did not drop. This morning I felt somewhat normal again (followed by an afternoon of fatigue again, but still).

I recall the horrific sequelae of this disease that I have seen just weeks prior. Not only does this cause respiratory failure, but delirium, pulmonary emboli, cerebrovascular accident, viral myocarditis, cutaneous thrombotic disease (COVID toes, anyone?). It is an umbrella disorder, and I consider us fortunate to remain in the mild symptom class.

This is when I started thinking of my body.

I have always loved my body. The times that I recall a lessening of that love involve post baby pounds acquired or other times when my weight has fluctuated into the upper limit of my range. I usually accept this and move on. This virus has made me think of my body on a more complete basis.

It really is amazing. My body is not just my waistline or numbers on a scale. It includes my powerful lungs, my unceasing brain, my taste buds, my efficient blood vessels. It is so much more. Why does it feel like these incredible features are often forgotten?

My body is a warrior fighting this infection and many before it. It adapts to this foreign invader, revs up an army of white blood cells and protects itself. It memorizes the virus and prepares armies for future invasions (the extent of this for COVID is to be determined).

I am fortunate to have some youth and the absence of comorbidities that are disadvantaging others during this devastating pandemic. I am grateful to my lungs, my heart, my freaking bone marrow for fighting and keeping me afloat.

Our bodies are simply incredible. I am thankful to every part of my body. I plan to acknowledge the strength of my body when self reflecting in the future. This is also the same body that nurtured two beautiful developing babies for 9 months. This is the same body that has ran miles over the year, whose fingers let me write notes and play piano, whose taste buds let me savor Taco Tuesday and whose muscles let me do just about anything.

My body is amazing.