Well, here it is – my first post. I’ve had so many feelings during this very challenging time in the world. The COVID-19 pandemic has been on my mind constantly. I find that the greatest challenge of all is clearing myself of COVID thoughts 24/7.
I’ve seemingly divided my emotions into two categories. At home, I feel the fear of either I or my family acquiring COVID-19 infection, while at work I feel strength and resilience while caring for COVID positive patients. They are on opposite ends of the spectrum but address my needs within the two very different roles in my life – mommy/wife and doctor. It seems to work, for now.
Through all of the experiences over the last few weeks, I have found ways to cope with my emotions.
If the quarantine has thought me anything, it is that I need to rediscover other things that once made me who I am, aside from being that mommy/wife/doctor combo of which I am very proud. I already know I love to be with my family, I love shutting things off with reality TV, cleaning the house, cooking. I suppose those things count, but I started looking for more. What are my hobbies? My husband is an avid wrestling fan, sports fanatic. He loves to play piano, ski and socialize with his awesome group of childhood friends.
Besides the obvious, what fulfills me?
I always felt being a doctor was overwhelming enough. I didn’t have time for hobbies. With the hustle and bustle of everyday life, I shifted every focus onto my family and my career. Now with the quarantine, I have been forced out of this mentality. For my own well being, I have come face to face with this question again.
What are my hobbies?
I recently returned to running. I used to run daily when I was in high school and college. It is a wonderful outlet. It relaxes me. It makes me feel strong, at ease, productive. Endorphins are real. I am happier when I run. I am learning to make time for this.
I joined my husband at the piano. We take turns. I used to play often when I was younger. I’m also trying to teach my 4 year old daugher, Ania, the basics. It’s very rewarding to watch her find middle C and play a scale from A-G.
I also started gardening and planted a vegetable/herb garden with my kids and fix things around the house with my husband. This surprisingly made me feel very at ease as well. It also confirmed my intuition that I am slowly transitioning into a new phase in my life. Suburban mid-aged mommy, anyone?
This is where writing enters the scene. I always loved to write. In high school, college – writing was a fun assignment. I found joy in putting my thoughts down and rereading it multiple times. I also started thinking of all of my work experiences as well as the wonderful things my kids say and do and wanting to memorize and compartmentalize all of them up into my brain to save forever and ever.
Why not write them down?
I dont know yet it I will share this blog or keep it for myself. I’ll probably at least share it with my hubby and my mom. I plan on sharing it with my kids when they get older. The rest it to be determined.
For now, I am happy to have another outlet to put me at ease. It is a trying time in medicine and in the world. I tend to bottle up my emotions and release them at once. It is comforting to put everything into words on this platform and revisit them when needed.
If I ever make this public, thanks for reading. I already feel that beautiful ease from writing this. I already feel a little bit better.
Alicia
Breath sounds and bubbles 